


gone

by acceptabletwig



Series: elliedina week 2021 [5]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Day Five, Dina POV, Ellie was never bitten, EllieDina Week (The Last of Us), F/F, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Not a one shot lmao, Prompt: Abandonment, Sequel - please read the other one to understand the background, Tess survived the first game
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:28:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29877732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acceptabletwig/pseuds/acceptabletwig
Summary: A hand tears at Dina’s hood, another grabs her ankle, dragging her back until she can kick it off.By the time she looks up, a runner has broken through the fence, Ellie is yelling and on her back, pushing and shoving and attempting to hold it away from her.--prompt: abandonment, day 5 of elliedina weekthis is a sequel to day 4, please read 'warmth' first to understand the background.AU where Ellie was never bitten, until she is. set the day after the winter dance. Dina POV.
Relationships: Dina & Joel (The Last of Us), Dina & Tess (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie & Tess (The Last of Us)
Series: elliedina week 2021 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2189400
Comments: 62
Kudos: 118





	1. torment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompts were released on @elliedina-week on tumblr, check them out to find more content from other creators.
> 
> This is the sequel to day 4, would strongly recommend reading 'warmth' first. 
> 
> prompt: abandonment 
> 
> apologies in advance

Dina gets the girl. _Finally._

They dance long into the night, swaying together until the band packs up.

Ellie had always been so hard to wrangle, reluctant to show up and unwilling to join in. It seemed like all the tension melted from her body when their lips touched, her smile was warm and dopey, her eyes full of hope and disbelief, and all protests about dancing faded in her reverie.

Ellie’s arms around her were warm and protective, her cheek brushing against Dina’s was soft, and Dina just couldn’t stop kissing her.

It felt like a daydream. 

Dina wanted to take it slow, not push too soon. They part that night with a tender smile and the promise of tomorrow. She spends most of the night lying awake, grinning to herself in the darkness. She’d cared for Ellie deeply for a long time, felt an instant connection to the awkward silent girl who showed up with tear-stained cheeks and a wistful smile.

There was something about her that stuck out, that both rattled and called Dina to her.

It never really made sense until she saw Ellie with Cat and then the confusing feelings swirling in her stomach crystallised into spikes.

It made her more determined to make things work with Jesse, but they knew that the love between them was just friendship and convenience. She’ll always be thankful for him and his calm presence, a steady ship in the storm, content to sit beside her silently on the anniversaries of darker days and eager to encourage her to follow her heart.

He eyes them warningly the next morning before patrol, running through his normal instructions with an additional plea to be safe.

The sky is clear and the day is bright. 

And then it isn’t.

A snowstorm takes them off the road, into an old library where they lose themselves for a couple of hours until the weather lightens.

Ellie is eager to move on, to finish running the route so they can return without worrying everyone.

They must have been in the eye of the storm then, unknowing and hopeful, ignorant to what was ahead of them.

The sky grew darker and the snow picked up obscuring their vision.

They leave their horses when they spot a lone runner ahead. Ellie slowly creeping forward to grab it. A broken street sign creaking in the wind.

When Ellie is halfway, she freezes.

It takes Dina a second longer to hear it, to registers the groans around them. Staggering footsteps. Then snarls and screeches.

She rushes forward just as Ellie rushes back, grasping at one another before sprinting onwards.

“Run,” Ellie says breathlessly. “We have to run.”

Dina is terrified, scrambling down a steep hill, losing her footing at times and sliding to keep momentum. They pass several houses, twisting and turning in the darkness, and her socks are wet from the creeks they splash through.

They’re so close, just behind them and beside them and ahead of them as they zigzag across the rooftops of buses.

“Here!” Ellie shouts just as Dina feels there’s no escape, vaulting over a fence.

Dina follows, heart racing as they search for a way forward.

There’s Infected slamming on the gate.

A narrow passageway down the side of the building in front of them, protected only by a chain link fence.

Dina pushes Ellie forward, following her closely as they run, the fence crumples under the weight, Ellie’s hand finds hers as they shimmy along, backs pressed to the wall as they attempt to avoid the hands grasping for them.

The fence crumples further, and before Dina realises they are crawling.

Forward, forward, forward.

A hand tears at Dina’s hood, another grabs her ankle, dragging her back until she can kick it off.

By the time she looks up, a runner has broken through the fence, Ellie is yelling and on her back, pushing and shoving and attempting to hold it away from her.

Dina shoots before she can think about it.

Pure instinct and adrenaline.

She helps Ellie to her feet, tugging her forwards as more come through the fence.

Ellie looks shaken, blood splattered across her face, but there’s no time.

“Come on, there’s too many,” Dina says. “Run, go!” She covers her, shooting a few as they make it through before continuing.

“Here, here!” Ellie yells, throwing a molotov at the Infected approaching from the other end of the hallway.

They take the door to their right, barricading it before taking a breath. The door slams and jumps unnervingly in front of them.

“There’s so many,” Ellie says quietly.

Dina is panting, her hands on her knees and her heart in her throat. “Where the hell did they come from?”

“Doesn’t matter, we gotta find a way out,” Ellie says, her jaw clenched as she moves forward.

Ellie peers through the gaps in the boarded-up windows, antsy and restless.

Dina searches for supplies and weapons as quickly as she can, tossing a steel bar to Ellie.

“Watch the windows,” Ellie says quietly, moments before a runner climbs through.

They put at least four down before they move forward again. It’s only then that Dina recognises where they are, the old gondola station.

Ellie curses under her breath. “Quick, help me with this,” she asks, shutting the door beside them and tipping one of the large lockers into place to hold it shut. “That won’t last long.”

“We gotta move,” Dina says, scanning their surroundings. “The window, we just need a boost.” She’s still desperately searching as they’re rushed again.

They work together to take care of it, aware of the splintering door behind them.

Together they push one of the gondolas back onto a trolley, moving it over to the window to climb over and out.

“Forward, forward,” Ellie chants. “Come on, go!”

There’s more outside than Dina can count, climbing over cars, rushing closer and closer in the snowstorm.

“Here, this door!” Ellie yells, shooting a runner as it comes almost come enough to grab her.

They get inside, lungs burning and Dina holds the door shut as Ellie fits a solid plank of wood in the barricade brackets.

“You okay?” Ellie asks, turning to her, her eyes are wide and fearful as she grips Dina’s shoulders to look her over. “Are you alright? Did they _touch_ you?” Ellie demands, she pushes at Dina’s sleeves, pulls at the collar of her jacket to examine her neck.

It’s only then that Dina sees it.

The stain on Ellie’s sleeve, the tear in her jacket, the bite on her arm.

“You-” Dina stammers, heart cracking in her chest.

“ _Are you alright?_ ” Ellie demands again.

Dina nods jerkily, clutching at Ellie. “Ellie-”

Tears streaming down her cheeks.

“We can’t stay here,” Ellie says, looking back to the door. “You need to keep moving.”

“Ellie,” Dina sobs brokenly.

Ellie is more focused on another doorway behind them, slipping out of Dina’s grasp to pile things against it. “Help me with this?” She asks, putting all of her weight behind moving a solid table in front of the door.

Dina doesn’t move, watching as Ellie successfully moves the table, stacking more furniture to barricade the smaller door before shifting her focus back to the main door.

Her eyes trace Ellie’s jaw line, the hair escaping her bun, the slope of her nose, the curve of her lips, the constellations of freckles she’d never be able to fully memorise.

“-okay? Dina? Dina!” Ellie pleads. “Are you listening?”

“I- yeah,” Dina says lamely, her throat dry and her words quiet. Ellie’s eyes were the most beautiful shade of green she’d ever seen and she doesn’t know if she’s ever been able to tell her that.

“I need you to go, okay? You need to run. They’re just on this side for now and I can hold them off,” Ellie says, calm and resolute. There’s an edge behind her eyes that Dina’s never seen.

“I love you,” Dina says breathlessly, almost a whisper.

Ellie’s expression falters for a second before it becomes guarded once again.

“I never- I never got to tell you, I didn’t want to push too fast,” Dina says, stumbling over her words as they spill out of her, clinging to Ellie’s jacket. “But I do. I love you, as my best friend and more. I’m in love with you,” Dina continues, pressing herself against Ellie, her forehead against Ellie’s. “I don’t know for how long. You’re my favourite person, you’re wonderful and beautiful and kind and funny, and I _love you_.” The words rush out of her.

“Dina-”

“You’re so strong and so brave and I love you so much,” Dina says, the words are angry now and she smacks her fists against Ellie’s chest. “I love you so _fucking_ much,” she sobs, hot tears streaming down her face.

“I’m so sorry, Dina,” Ellie says, acknowledging it finally. “I’m _so sorry._ ” She clings to Dina in return, the embrace almost crushing.

The pounding grows louder.

“You have to go,” Ellie pleads. “I need you to go.”

“I can’t leave you,” Dina whimpers. “ _I can’t_.”

“I’m already gone,” Ellie murmurs, the look in her eyes is indescribably and it only serves to make Dina cry harder.

“Ellie, no, please no,” Dina sobs, vision blurred by tears, heart lying somewhere near her feet.

“Go,” Ellie repeats solemnly. “Tell Joel and Tess that I love them, that I’m sorry, and that I’ll always be thankful for everything they’ve given me.” She cups Dina’s cheeks in her hands, looking at her searchingly.

Dina nods. “I promise,” she stammers.

“I love you too,” Ellie tells her, kissing Dina firmly. She squares her shoulders, the weight of the world bearing down on her. “I’ll hold them off,” she mutters, turning away. “It’s my turn.”

Dina barely catches her words, her heartbeat loud and punishing in her ears. She doesn’t move.

“Please, Dina,” Ellie pleads, looking back to her. “I’m already gone, just go, please!” Ellie pleads, the look in her eyes is indescribable and it only serves to make Dina cry harder.

“I love you,” Dina repeats brokenly, wiping at her face roughly. “I love you so much, _forever_.”

“I love you too,” Ellie replies.

Her words sound like an apology.

“Please go.”

So she does. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could totally leave it there right? (I won't, I promise)
> 
> Let me know what you think :)
> 
> Tumblr: respectablesentiment


	2. abandonment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies in advance

Dina leaves her heart behind when she leaves Ellie.

There’s a gaping hole in her chest that aches, and aches, and aches.

She runs because she’s told to.

She leaves Ellie because Ellie told her to.

But that doesn’t change what happened.

The blizzard, the grasping hands, Dina’s panic, Ellie’s resignation, and the bite.

It doesn’t change that she abandoned Ellie, left her to be torn to pieces or to be lost to the infection.

The wind around her is violent and bracing, Dina’s feet sinking and sliding through the snow as she runs.

She encounters a few infected but not many. The horde is left behind with Ellie.

The sky is full of darkened clouds, leaving her without stars to navigate, completely alone and overwhelmingly forsaken.

She moves until she cannot move any longer.

_I left her, I left her, I left her._

It’s a mantra she repeats in her head, torturing herself further, suspended in her torment.

The daydream had turned into a nightmare.

She wishes she’d kissed Ellie one more time, held onto her a little longer, lingered for another breath in her embrace. She wishes so many things had changed.

That they’d stayed inside and out of the snow, smoking and laughing and sharing stories in that basement.

That they’d never left the horses or that they’d turned back, taken a different route or never gone at all.

She wishes she had been faster, been better, been stronger. That she’d be able to save Ellie.

Time was ticking now, for both her and Ellie.

Her chest is so cold that it burns, her hands unfeeling, her mind foggy, and slowly her consciousness begins to slip, and slip, and slip.

And then all at once the exhaustion overcomes her and she _falling_.

\--

When she wakes Dina is warm. A comfortable bed, soft blankets, and heat radiating from under her arms. Her head pounds as she struggles to open her eyes.

Every part of her is sore and heavy.

“Dina?” She hears a voice. “You’re okay, take it easy.”

Dina groans and then she fades once again.

\--

She fades in and out for a while. It feels like forever, sluggish and drifting.

It takes her several moments to register she’s waking at first, that she feels the warmth of the bed once again, heavy blankets weighing her down, the sound of raised voices outside.

“-talk to her,” a gruff voice demands from outside her door. “Then she can go back to sleep.”

“Joel,” Maria reprimands. “I want to find Ellie as much as you do, but Dina had hypothermia. She’s been in and out all day, we’ve been trying but she’s completely unresponsive. You have to wait.”

 _Ellie_.

The pain comes flooding back.

Ellie was gone. Dina had failed her, abandoned her like a coward.

Dina takes steady breaths, trying to keep herself calm.

“We don’t have time to wait,” Tess says. “Our daughter could be lying injured in a ditch somewhere. We have to bring her home.”

Dina’s vision tilts as she attempts to sit up. _What else could I have done?_ She asks herself as she looks at her hands, blood caked under her nails.

Dina knows what the proper process is.

If someone is bitten then they cannot return to Jackson. They need to be taken care of, by themselves or their patrol partner.

But they cannot return.

As Ellie had said, she was already gone.

“Please, Maria,” Joel pleads. “She could be trapped or stuck or just lying in the snow like Dina was.”

What had Ellie said?

_It’s my turn._

The door creaks as it opens.

Dina stares listlessly forward as they enter.

They’ll hate her for what she did. What she’s cost them.

“Dina, you’re awake,” Maria sounds relieved. “How are you feeling? Are you warm enough?” She fusses with the blankets on top of Dina. “Should I bring you the hot water bottles again?”

Dina shakes her head.

“What happened, Dina?” Tess asks quietly. There’s a look in her eyes like she knows.

She couldn’t possibly.

“Dina, I need you to tell us _everything_ that happened out there,” Joel says intensely.

Dina breaks under the weight of their stares, the affection and the desperation too much, too overwhelming and devastating and terrifying to cope with.

She cries, her body wracked with sobs, shuddering and shaking, struggling to breathe through the grief weighing her down.

She’s both feeling and unfeeling, sobbing and weeping until she’s red and unravelled.

She’s weary and exhausted, her mind playing back those moments on loop. The shock and the curve of Ellie’s lips, the anger and the hair escaping Ellie’s bun and falling into her face, the defeat and the constellations of freckles that seem to move in Dina’s memory.

She should have waited a moment longer.

She shouldn’t have left her at all.

Dina swallows thickly, choking back tears and wiping her face roughly as she registers Tess and Maria sitting beside her, an arm around her shoulders, a hand petting her hair, soft and comforting.

She shakes them off, trying to get up.

“Dina, you need to take it easy,” Maria says, voice weak with tears.

Dina can see Joel across from her; he’s crouched with his back against the wall, his head in his hands, chin tucked tightly against his chest.

Tess is crying.

Dina shouldn’t be here; her anger and self-loathing bubbles up in her throat. She should still be out there. With Ellie.

Ellie shouldn’t have been left alone.

She should have seen her through it.

“I need to move,” Dina says, fighting to get out of their grasp.

“Is she gone?” Joel asks, looking up at her and Dina can see her pain reflected in his eyes.

“I don’t know,” Dina says breathlessly, her mouth shaping the words, but they come out almost inaudible.

“Where were you? Where did you see her last?” Tess asks, and the small bloom of hope in her eyes makes Dina feel like her ribs are cracking.

“She was- she-” Dina’s voice trails off. She manages to stand successfully and then immediately stumbles.

Maria helps to steady her. “Dina? Is Ellie still alive?”

“I don’t- I’m not-” Dina’s light-headed and woozy.

“Where were you last with her?” Joel asks pleadingly.

“We were at the gondola station lookout, in the lodge part,” Dina says weakly, steadying herself on the table and tugging her clothes forward.

“And how did you get separated?” Joel asks. He’s both intimidating and terrified in this moment, Dina is scared but she can hear his fear just as clearly as she feels her own.

“She asked me to leave,” Dina says, her voice a whisper. “She wanted me to tell you that she loved you and that she was sorry.”

Tess takes a shuddering breath behind her.

“She was- she was-” Dina grimaces, looking away to force the words to come out. “Bitten. She was- she said-” Her voice cracks, salt stings the corner of her eyes and she shuts them attempting to hold it back.

She cannot look at them.

Grief swirls around her. Joel’s is a hiss and silence, like he’s pressed his hand to a stove and he’s clenching his teeth. Tess’s is a howl and hiccups, like her lungs are seizing around her sobs and making them stutter. Maria’s is a wail and sniffling, like she’s trying to hold herself together with clasped palms and the emotions just seep through her fingers.

“I have to go back,” Dina says softly. “I can’t leave her alone.”

Her heart thuds loudly in her chest.

“It’s been-” Maria’s voice wavers. “It’s been hours, Dina. We found you late last night, you were brought in around 1am.”

“We’ve been looking for hours,” Joel says brokenly. “Hours.”

“It’s late afternoon, Dina. It’s been almost a full day,” Maria says. “We haven’t found a single sign of her.”

“Did you check the lookout?” Dina asks, pulling on her coat over the pyjamas they’d dressed her in.

“Of course we checked the lookout,” Maria says, placing a hand on Dina’s shoulder. “We checked everywhere we could on your route and on others. We didn’t find anything except a half barricaded broken down door.”

“You didn’t find her pack?” Dina asks.

“No.”

“Then she’s gone somewhere else, she could still be alive and safe. She’s holed up somewhere if she got away from the horde,” Dina says, tugging on her boots.

“Dina, if she was bitten then she would have turned by now,” Maria says, sniffling. “I’m sorry, but you cannot go out there.”

“She would have been so scared,” Joel whispers.

“I don’t care what you say, Maria,” Dina argues, clenching her jaw. “I’m going to go home, get dressed and I’m going to leave. I’m going to find her.”

“For what purpose, Dina?” Maria asks. “You want her to hurt you? You want to find her body?”

“Maybe!” Dina yells. “Maybe I do. Maybe I want to bring her home so she can be buried in Jackson where she belongs!” She’s crying again. “Maybe she’ll still be alive,” she says shakily.

Joel looks up, eyes red and stormy.

“Maybe- maybe I can tell her I love her one more time,” Dina says, voice cracking and shaky.

Tess is looking at her intensely.

“Maybe I can be there with her for it,” Dina whispers. “I could help.”

 _I need to go back_ , Dina thinks. _I can’t abandon her now._

“Dina,” Maria sighs. “I can’t let you do that. It’s too much to do alone.”

“She won’t be alone,” Joel says, his eyes hardening.

“We should bring her home,” Tess says, pressing her face into Joel’s chest, her hands fisted in his shirt.

He hugs her tightly to him, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “We’ve checked every lookout, Dina,” he says. “I’ve been searching since we found you last night. Do you have any idea of where she could go?”

“Somewhere we wouldn’t have searched,” Maria adds. “I’ve had triple the amount of people out on patrol searching. Not a lookout and probably not on a standard route.”

Dina frowns, forcing herself to think. If Ellie were able to decide, she’d pick somewhere fortified. Warm. Where she could feel safe.

Echoes of a brighter past flit through her mind, and she tries to force herself to think earlier and earlier and not on yesterday.

Her thoughts keep going back to Ellie’s eyes, to her expression.

 _It’s my turn,_ she had said. _I’ll hold them off._

_I love you too._

_Please, Dina._

_I’m already gone._

_It’s my turn._

_I love you too._

Dina thinks about Ellie’s eyes at the dance, disbelieving and hopeful, her smile at the lookout, content and excited, and her touch at the library, tender and loving.

Dina wishes they’d never left.

She frowns.

“I think I know where she is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think :)
> 
> Tumblr: respectablesentiment


End file.
